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Arts & Entertainment

'30 Minutes or Less' – If Only They Had Kept it at Less

Childish and only mildly funny, "30 Minutes or Less" is probably a waste of your time.

30 Minutes or Less is a tasteless, unfunny exercise in the abject condition of man. Ignoring the parallels between this story of Nick (Jesse Eisenberg), a pizza delivery guy who is strapped into a bomb vest and forced to rob bank by some psychos, and the tragic real life incident in 2003, the premise of this crass movie is just cruel. Though it's from the same director of the wickedly clever zombie flick, Zombieland, 30 Minutes or Less never reaches the glorious state of meta, that self-referential wonderland where absurdity equals hilarity.

A buzz-kill reality permeates this movie and it’s exacerbated by lazy jokes and tired characters. This isn’t the buddy action-comedy it wants you to think it is – it’s actually kind of depressing.

Pizza boy Nick, eight years out of high school, loves his crappy '90s Mustang, the thrill of high speed navigations through a generic Midwest town and his ex-best friend, Chet’s (Aziz Ansari) sister. Nick’s comfy slacker world is turned upside down when two dudes in monkey masks strap a bomb vest to his torso and give him 9 hours to rob a bank for at least $100,000.

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Unknown to Nick, morons Dwayne (Danny McBride) and Travis (Nick Swardson) are playing out a convoluted scheme to prematurely inherit the remainder of Dwayne’s father’s lottery winnings. Meanwhile Chet, who enjoys the security of a recently procured full-time teaching gig, gets roped into helping to rob a bank Point Break style in order to get the combination that will free Nick from the surprisingly diabolical bomb vest. This is what happens when the mentality of a Saw film and mushed it up with Pineapple Express. If that doesn’t sound like a good match it’s because it isn’t.

As jerky Travis moves the pawns in his convoluted master plan, Nick races around to tie up loose ends just in case he doesn’t make it. All this racing around is oddly dull, most because it’s hard care if Nick gets blown up or not. Loads of character back story doesn’t make these idiots endearing, it just makes everyone have to speak faster to fit all the exposition into the film’s 83 minute run time. Yeah, that’s right, it’s less than 90 minutes. This movie costs you about 12 cents per minute.

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Man child fantasies of badass gangster stuff, of living through movie references and getting rich with minimal effort are all played out here. This tale of two idiot pairs of buds has potential, but the premise is mean-spirited and isn’t remotely clever or well-written. Every other word is f!#k this and finger-bang that and there are bevy of gay jokes and generally tasteless one-liners (some even funny, I’ll admit.)

McBride is playing the same character he’s played many times before, only not as well. And then there’s Eisenberg. He may retain more of himself when playing a character than even the master of that trick, Mr. James Franco, but I can’t wait for Eisenberg's upcoming project with Woody Allen as it’s sure to upset the space time continuum somehow. 

There are some amusing performances. Michael Peña as a Latin hit man makes some interesting choices and Swardson is the only likable character in the movie. McBride and Swardson have some decent exchanges and a few memorable lines. Dilshad Vadsaria as Chet’s twin sister is notable not because her character is given much to do, but because she is absolutely stunning and quite graceful. But, that’s usually the way it goes.

30 Minutes or Less might be an OK movie to catch on TBS in a few years if only to see how they redub the profanity. I can hear it now, “Forget that, man!” Forget this!” “This is fudged up!”  I think you get the point. But, it's not the language that makes 30 Minutes or Less barely watchable. This is one of those flicks that appeals lowest common denominator, which may be exactly what some people are looking for. That fact makes me weep for humanity.

30 Minutes Or Less is now playing at:

For more of Megan Carr’s movie reviews and media musings, visit her website at therestiscreamcheese.com.

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