Don't Be Afraid of 'Don't Be Afraid of the Dark'

The 1973 made-for-TV horror film Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark occupies that area of memory associated the horrible consequences of bathing. Whether they’re little creatures that live in the basement or dudes that dress up like their mother, it’s just never ever a good idea to take a bath or shower if one ever finds oneself living out that particular movie cliché. Monsters always strike when we’re at our most vulnerable.

That pretty much sums up the remake co-written and produced by Guillermo del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth, Hell Boy films), which opens today. A vulnerable child is messed with by evil (and hungry) rat-sized basement-dwelling things while everyone around her thinks she just needs her meds upped.  

It’s doubtful that this remake will be traumatizing anyone due to its lackluster pacing and drawn out climax, but it is nice to see mediocre films of the past getting remade. Both with the 1973 TV movie and —at least the originals provide ample room for improvement.

Whispers in the walls of a Gothic mansion, a lonely child struggling to cope with her broken family, frequent lightning—it’s all there, and it should be a lot of spooky fun.

The first five minutes of Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark is the stuff of nightmares. It begins with a Twilight Zone-meets-Hitchcock credit sequence where macabre illustrations and disturbing phrases from a child’s story crisscross the screen. A grand country home with a towering gate and great panels of stained glass hides a terror within. And then comes a horrific scene involving teeth. The 60 percent of the scene that I could see through the cracks in between my fingers was quite terrifying.

Unfortunately, the other 94 minutes of the film are not.  

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark uses a classic set up that does absolutely nothing to defy expectation as it trudges along with predictable sleight of hand and boring horror movie stereotypes.

The majority of the film focuses on the torment and torture of young Sally (Bailee Madison), a child of divorce pawned off by her flaky LA mother to live with her father (Guy Pearce) and his younger girlfriend (Katie Holmes) while they faithfully renovate a Victorian manor with the hopes to make bank in the flip. This plot is a welcome change from the original. The movie’s attempt to delve into the dark curiosities of children falls flat, and the adults around her are so inept, one looks forward to their inevitable demise.  

Madison broods well, and her sardonic eye rolls are way beyond her tender age. She sulks and retorts at an 11th-grade level, easily.

Unfortunately, robotic performances from Holmes and Pearce fail to provide much needed texture to this story. Their relationship is the linchpin to Sally’s unhappiness, but Holmes’ wooden stepmother never wins over the audience, making Sally’s growing affection for her seemed forced.

Sally’s torturers are disgusting little spritely things that have a talent for taking out full grown adults with ease, but can’t seem to get a tight hold on this one 8-year-old girl. In the beginning, the baddies are delightfully mischievous in their befriending of her as they play on her innocence and wonder. These gnarly pixies get into her head, feeding her desire to be special.

The creatures themselves are quite horrid, and the sound of a herd of them scuttling in the shadows is effective to a point, but there is little to relish in Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark. It drags when it needs to pounce. This house with a dreadful secret should be the other monster, but there’s a sterility, a lifelessness, that prevents it from becoming more than gaudy art direction.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark is unlikely to spark anyone’s fear of what stalking under the bed, and that’s a real shame.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark is now playing at:

• UA King Of Prussia Stadium 16 & IMAX, 300 Goddard Blvd., King of Prussia
• Regal Plymouth Meeting 10 1011 W. Ridge Pike, Conshohocken
• Regal Marketplace at Oaks Stadium 24, 180 Mill Road, Oaks

For more of Megan Carr’s movie reviews and media musings, visit her website at therestiscreamcheese.com.

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